All I Want

"All I Want" is the title of the first song on Joni Mitchell's "Blue" album, a signifant soundtrack for my sophomore year of college, on a side note. But I thought that might be a fitting title for my current state-of-mind.
All I want is to cry. But in truth, there isn't really anything that comes to mind that I need to cry about. I am going to have a really enjoyable summer season after graduation: living with my best friend in Ballard, working at Ballard Boys & Girls Club, having adventures with lovely people like Britta, Laura, Katie, Emily, Lindsey, Leslie; going to Santa Barbara for two weeks, going to my second-home Forest Home for a week to be a super cool leader for high school girls, and hopefully continuing to volunteer at 826. See? I really have no reason to shed a tear.
But everyone keeps saying that I'll be sad once September rolls around and I don't go back to school. I wish they would just shut up. I wish that I didn't feel pressured to express a specific emotion; maybe I'm just not sad about college coming to end (which is SO sacreligious for me to say, let me tell you)! I mean, I'm not happy about it ending; I guess it's a sort of bittersweet feeling. Maybe I'm just subconsciously ready to move on; I'm okay with the fact that a new chapter of my life is beginning. It's very exciting to guess what this new chapter will be titled... "Allie goes to Morocco," "Allie Falls in Love," "Allie Becomes a Real-Life Reporter"... Who knows!
Back to "All I Want." My good friend Joni starts out singing, "I am on a lonely road and I am traveling, traveling, traveling, traveling. Looking for something, what can it be?" Yes. Despite being surrounded and supported by my family (surrogate and non-surrogate) this is a self-journey, a time for me to be making decisions as an individual. I know that God will test my character by stretching me in some way; next, it could be moving away again from all that is familiar, or (please no) have me meet someone that I could fully commit to... I'm open to whatever is next; I'm willing to take the plunge, to be immersed in a new and refreshing part of my life. I know it's going to be fun and beautiful. I don't know what I'm looking for, but whatever I am supposed to be looking for will find me.