Ginger Al

"The word love has by no means the same sense for both sexes, and this is one cause of the serious misunderstandings that divide them."
-Simone de Beauvoir

Something very terrible just happened to my best friend. She got her heart broken by the person she is in love with. I want to kill him. To punch him in the face at least. I always swore to myself while they were together that if he ever hurt her I would hurt him right back. Now, realistically speaking, I probably won't kick him in the groin if/when I next see him. But I am certainly sending him strong hate vibes.
This awful situation has made me all the more distrustful of the male gender. Which is sad. I wish I could still believe that there are gentlemen out there somewhere, good men who see the value in loving a woman who deserves all the happiness and kindness in the world. I am praying that the Lord will prove me wrong. I am trying to keep a flicker of my faith alive. I know that he restores what is broken-- hearts and all. I pray this feverishly.
In the meantime, my friend and I are seriously looking into leaving the country in the fall/winter. We talk about joining a convent, but I have enough hope left to not act in that drastic of a way. Mostly, I just want to do some good somewhere.
Last night as we sat on my bed in the dark, with a carton of ice cream melting on the window sill, we realized that men--Christian men-- have consciously and even subconsciously bought into the idea of "Wild at Heart," a book which claims that "the reason most men live lives of quiet desperation is because they have been told that the reason God put them on earth is to be a good boy. To be nice. But every man longs for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue." The word "good" is so misused here. "Good" is righteous, strong, kind. To be good is not an emasculating virtue. "Good boy"? No. "Good man." It is possible to be a good man. And to not throw away something beautiful because of a childish longing to have "adventures"... AKA get shitfaced with your guy friends, tip over cows, and various other selfish activities. John Eldridge has completely romanticized the Peter Pan Syndrome-- to always be a little boy and to have fun. Saving a damsel-in-distress great and all, but after the damsel is rescued, the "hero" packs up, unwilling to be brave and take a leap with this quality damsel. Instead he goes off and feeds his ego to the brim. Peter knew that Wendy was the greatest thing that ever happened to him. But he couldn't own up to how he felt about her because he was just a boy. Not a man. A little boy who was afraid.
And I'm going to admit that women do consciously/subconsciously buy into the "Wild at Heart" equivalent-- "Captivating." We do want to be romanced and pursued and rescued. It is a sad truth. But if Eldridge is telling men to feed the impulses of their wild hearts, and telling women to feed their desires to be romanced and pursued... well then, that is leaving women high and dry isn't it.