Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Man Tips From Allie

Dear Man*,

A lot of girls love Disney princes. They sing, have unnaturally big muscles,
sparkly eyes, and are chivalrous. You could learn a lot from them! Here's a few lessons to take away from Disney princes that will help step up your A game:

If the girl you're crushing on likes books a lot, build her a freaking library like the Beast. Be still, my beating eggs! Ok, ok.... a more practical tip to take away from the Beast is don't be afraid to try something new, like when he learns to dance so that he can get down with Belle on their first date. Girls appreciate that ish!

Show your girl how much you care by singing her a song. That's what Snow White's Prince did, even though it was within 30 seconds of meeting her. WHATEVER. Relationship development is overrated.

If you really like a girl, she's worth chopping through thorny bushes/killing huge-ass dragons for (See Prince Phillip of Sleeping Beauty). Although you may need to call upon the aid of three fairies, AKA the girl's three
gay best friends.

BE YOURSELF. Girls will up their sticks when you're trying too hard to impress them. Jasmine fell for Aladdin the street rat, not Prince Ali with that stupid turban and outlandish parade. The magic carpet ride was pretty sweet though. So if you somehow have access to one of those, I highly recommend utilizing it.

Prince Eric, you are the WORST. Just because something more exotic and sexy comes on the scene, doesn't make it ok to ignore the girl you first fell for! Even if she is mute. Because the exotic/sexy girl will 80 percent of the time turn out to be a crazy biatch with tentacles.

Hope that helps, boys who read my blog!**

* Meaning, heterosexual male populations.
**No boys read my blog.


Brielyn Flones said...

Allie-- I freaking love this post!

wildchild said...

amen. especially the first one and the one about the sleeping beauty prince. girls go goo-goo for guys who do things for them.

Erin said...

Thanks, Allie! This is fantastic. By the way, can we watch Tangled? I haven't seen it yet!