I Don't Care About Your Band

Are a young woman who is mildly upset about the minuscule amount of decent/normal/available men to date in a romantic sense? Like me? Then you should read I Don't Care About Your Band: What I Learned From Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I've Dated. By Julie Klausner.

Klausner shares the nitty-gritty details of her dating life-- from Ben, who reveals that he has a girlfriend after Julie has sex with him, to Noah, who has "The Greatest Torso I've Ever Seen," but also has bed-bugs in his college dorm room resembling apartment.

I laughed out loud a lot while reading this book, and also cringed at the men she gets entangled with; but Klausner's honesty made me feel like I'm not the only one who slips and falls for the stupidest guys possible; and so I don't feel like a total dum-dum anymore, but I'm also hoping that I learn from a few of her mistakes.


Here are some of my favorite excerpts:

"If I'm iffy about being attracted to somebody right away, but he goes about pursuing me in a way I think is up-standing, I always give the guy a second chance. It's a way to be strict about your standards, but open-minded about your contenders. Men are way more likely to become more appealing to you over time than they are to magically grow manners."

"I know stories about 'how wasted you were' are little league, but the truth remains that when you drink, stupid things become silly, and who doesn't like laughing at things that are silly? That's right: nobody, and assholes."

"I'm certain that even seasoned escorts have to work past their initial wave of reflexive disgust at the strange task ahead of them... before they can dive in, and eventually enjoy it. But it beats temping, right girls? Of course it does not. Get your life together, you whores!"

"Kermit, beloved frog of yore, suddenly, overwhelmingly, reminded my adult self of vintage-eyeglass-frame-wearing guys from Greenpoint or Silver Lake, who pedal along avenues in between band practice and drinks with friends, sans attachment, oblivious to the impending hazards of reality and adulthood."

"...because my vagina is stupid."