Crushes: Worthless or Wonderful?

So, I've been harboring a crush for a little while. This guy has the body of a Disney prince. He's also really nice. And a little mysterious. His speaking voice is one of the sexiest things I've ever heard. I can't tell you any more details, because what if you know him??!!

Which brings me to my point: Wow, crushes are so stupid. I feel like I'm in high school again! My awkward, orthodontia-ed, pasty, high school self, daydreaming about dudes that I've barely even spoken to. Like Ian, the senior to my freshman, who sang "Yesterday" by The Beatles at the talent show. And Kelly, the linebacker to my cheerleader. Or Alex, the brooding theatre geek to my geeky theatre geek. Yeah, high school was so fun for me.

But I really haven't had an actual crush-- the kind that's most likely never to be requited-- on a guy since my last year of college. Not that since then I've been knee-deep in penis or anything (because that would be DISGUSTING. BLAH, WHY DID I EVEN WRITE THAT), but I did start dating more frequently around that time, and was also in a year-and-a-half long relationship, and also didn't really have anyone in my life that deserved my serious pining-afters. Because, when it comes down to it, crushes are a fucking waste of time. I've never had a crush on a guy that's liked me back. Which totally sucks, because you really do think the world of that person, and your life seems to be filled with disappointing missed chances and missed glances. A lot of "wishful makeuping," to borrow a term from Pretty in Pink.

On the other hand, crushes can also be a lot of fun. There's excitement in anticipating seeing that person at a social get-together, hoping that maybe this time they'll see something in you that they hadn't before, sparking romantic feelings. Even if it's a small gesture, like a friendly side hug or an intimate joke between the two of you, it makes your evening spent at a dark and noisy bar totally worth it. Right, ladies?

The truth is, I'm 25. Not 16. And I don't feel like spending energy trying to be the ideal girl for a guy I'm not even sure I would be compatible with (you know, once making out gets old). I'd much rather be my weird, awesome, sassy, dorky self and hope that some guy out there will find those qualities attractive.

A Skeptical Post

At the request of Greta...

Okay, here goes nothing...
.
..
...
....
I'm not single anymore.

For some reason those words don't sit well with me quite yet.

Not that there's anything wrong with my boyfriend (I feel so weird TYPING that). I pretty much think the world of him. He's cute, funny, sweet, charming, and so on.

But I guess I'm still getting used to the fact that I'm no longer a single gal. I feel like that was one of my character definitions... "Allie, the single gal." And it was kind of fun being single. I guess I got used to it. I took pride in it.

Please don't worry. I'm the same Allie I've always been. I'm not going to drop off the face of the planet. And I'm not going to skip out on girl's nights. Never-ever. Shoot me if that happens, please.

So yah. Just a slight change in my life, as of Saturday night.

Oh, and I might as well provide you some photographic proof...

I look so completely Josie-Grossie in the photo... But at least Joe looks good.

And then there's this one... What a creeper. Love it.

LameLab

So, most of you already know that I am on LoveLab, an online personals service done through Seattle's alternative newspaper, The Stranger.
This has made my life a lot more interesting, to say the least.
Oh, I get the cream of the crop sending me messages, asking me out on dates. And when I say "cream of the crop" I am referring to a gaggle of men who are all in an early to mid thirties age range (WTF?). I don't know why this is. I don't know why somebody closer to my own age (say early to mid twenties) can't find me attractive. I don't know why these thirtysomethings are choosing to hit upon a young woman of my age; it's not like they don't know how old I am, as my age is on my profile. Why are none of these thirtysomethings taken yet, by someone born in their own generation?
I am about to give up my LoveLab profile. You see, I have had two strikes already counted up... and a lot of foul balls, let me tell you! Oh my god, that was awful, but I couldn't resist.
1st strike was "Peter." I really liked Peter. He was one of the very first guys I noticed on Lovelab... Plus, he wasn't old. And the full story behind him is a good one, so if you'd like to hear it, I'd love to tell you in person. With Peter it was one of those instances where we were sending each other the wrong messages for a drawn out period of time; which is easy to do in the online arena. So there was lots of flirting and opening-up, but no actual manifestation of a meeting. Conclusion, we were honest with each other, and (unfortunately for me) found out we were not on the same page. STRIIIIKE ONE!
Up to bat: "Alex." Alex was older than I would have preferred, but he was cute in his photos and sounded interesting. He also asked me out right away, which impressed me, compared to the previous ballplayer. So we went out. And I realized why Alex was still single at a slightly older age. He still had a lot to learn about the unspoken rules of dating. It wasn't a terrible date; there was just no attraction. STRIIIIKE TWO!!!
So after that I said to myself, "you know, you should just give this one more chance, Allie. If things don't go well a third time with a Lovelab guy, odds are none of the Lovelab guys are going to be any better."
Well, in the past week I have gotten messages from seven men, none of which are very good prospects. One 32 year old, one 34 year old, one guy who takes pictures of himself in his bathroom mirror, one uber Eastern-spiritual guy, one fireman with a bad haircut, one guy who blocked out a picture of his ex-girlfriend in his profile photo, and one guy who told me about how his mom threw her panties at Tom Jones. So.
When I was in 6th grade, I was on a girl's softball team, and I recall learning that four balls is equal to one strike. So if I count each of these prospects as a ball, I would technically have more than enough to cry "Strike three, you're out." Technically, I should be done with Lovelab.
But I just might give the guy who blocked out his ex-girlfriend in his profile photo a chance.
He's kind of cute.



A perfect picture of hopelessness, frustration, and maybe a little bit of drunkenness. Men will do that to ya.

I know it's totally unoriginal for a single girl to say, "I hate Valentines Day," but I'm just going to say it anyways: I hate Valentines Day.
Last year wasn't so bad, namely because I didn't feel so alone in my nature of singularity. My roomie was single, and we were both invited to a nice little party two of my best guy friends threw for all of their single lady-friends. It was cute and nice to feel appreciated by such fine gentlemen.
Now... I am living in an apartment with girls in relationships. My then-roomie, still-roomie, is taken, and going ga-ga over Valentines Day-- even though I seem to recall that last year she had a few bitter words to vocalize on the holiday. But hey, she was single then, and when you are single there is no other emotion to fill your whole entire being BUT bitterness on the day dedicated to cutesy-cutesy couples doing cutesy-cutesy activities and giving each other cutesy-cutesy gifts.
Sentiments to be continued on a night I am not trying to finish a story about a stupid American girl in Paris.

Yuck.