Feminist Rant Monday

WARNING: THIS BLOG ENTRY CONTAINS STRONG GENDER-BASHING CONTENT THAT COULD LEAD TO THE AUTHOR BEING LABELED A MAN-HATER. BUT SHE IS ACTUALLY NOT. SHE REALLY LIKES MEN. A LOT. ESPECIALLY ONES THAT RESEMBLE JAKE GYLLENHAAL.

Dear Staight Men,

I don't get it. Why is your gender supposed to be the one that "courts"? Why do YOU have to initiate (in general) dates, relationships, kisses, marriages? That is probably the most idiotic convention I've ever heard of.

Because:

1) You are clueless... You rarely know a good thing when you see it,

2) You are lazy... You often do not put any effort into wooing a lovely lady,

and 3) You are little boys... You rarely have the balls to say, "hey, you are a quality person and I am genuinely attracted to you. Lets grab a cup of coffee." It's not that hard to do, you know. If I can do it, you can do it. Life is full of rejection, Men. 9 times out of 10, you'll probably get rejected. But that's the fun of romance. It's RISKY.

And I would do it, if I could. I would totally give you my number. But apparently, as a woman, I'm not supposed to. I'm supposed to sit back and wait for you to MAN UP, patiently, like a docile little lamb. If I did try to initiate something, I have been told that you would be taken aback by such "outright boldness". It takes away your sense of masculinity if the female makes the first move (Note: the author just threw up in her mouth a little bit). I don't see what would be wrong with that; after all, some of you have too much sense of your own masculinity. Yes, I'm saying I want to de-masculine-ize you, men of the world. Burn me at the gender-stake, why don't you!
"Men love the chase," I have been told. And so, Men, why do you not chase? Chase, dammit! I am throwing myself at you, in a sense. Not in a direct way, because that would belittle you and it would make me seem like an eager slut. I'm just saying that I'm trying to send you as many positive signals as I can, without actually telling you what I want: And what I want from you is to ask me out. Ask me, and I will say yes.

Sigh. For those of you who haven't figured this out already, this blog is aimed at a specific person. Who will never read this, I am assuming. But if you do read this... I'm sorry, especially if my assumption that you are too shy/busy/clueless to ask me out is incorrect. If you are uninterested in my hotness, just let me down gently.