The Most Evil Man to Have Ever Lived

His name is David Burke.
Sure, he looks harmless, but he actually has a very black heart.
And yes, he is a renowned chef with a genial face, but do not be deceived, I tell you!

This lowly degenerate has created something that could destroy all of humanity: Flavor Spray.


"Well, that sounds and looks intriguing, Allie, and not evil in any sense!" you might be saying in response.
Oh, you naive fool. Let me enlighten you on the subject of Flavor Spray:
The idea behind it is that you can eat the healthy food you're supposed to be eating "without missing the food you enjoy the most!" (taken from the Flavor Spray website).
I'm sure you're still thinking, "well, that really doesn't sound all that bad..."
However, let me finish: after eliminating toppings, gravies, dressings, and sauces, Flavor Spray replaces the flavor that diets forbid. Simply spray Flavor Spray and your craving for flavor will be satisfied. Supposedly.
Here is a list of some of the creepiest flavor sprays he's created in his evil lair:
-Parmesan Cheese
-Pesto
-Ranch
-Smoked Bacon
-Marshmallow
-Memphis BBQ
-Banana Split
-Birthday Cake
-Rootbeer Float
-Raspberry Bubblegum
-Cheesecake
He even has flavor sprays for fruits, so you don't have to eat an actual handful of fresh blueberries, you can just buy some blueberry flavor spray!
Are you freaked out yet?
So lets say you are on a diet and your birthday rolls around. Happy Birthday! But wait! You can't eat birthday cake because of that pesky diet you're on. Not to worry. All you have to do is spray some Birthday Cake Flavor Spray on a carrot stick, and its just like savoring a slice of wonderful cake.
Wow. OH. MY. GOD. Do you see how evil this is? It's totally artificial reality. Our reality is being destroyed. We can't put our vanity aside and enjoy the pleasures of life anymore, like the occasional rootbeer float on hot summer's day. No we must be deprived of such harmful things. But instead you can have this fake stuff that has characteristics of the real stuff. It is so ridiculous.
Please, everyone. Boycott David Burke before we are all forced to eat bran flakes that are filet mignon flavored.
Down with Flavor Spray!