So this is the new year...

Last year's resolutions didn't go quite as planned (but what resolutions ever do?).

I think I have lost a little bit of weight actually, which might have to do with the fact that I kind of sort of run now. Awesome!

I think I made a total of three recipes from Julia Child's main cookbook. Oh well; more this year, I suppose.

"Eat more vegetables." Who knows if I accomplished this. Who knows....

And lastly, I definitely have NOT begun writing any sort of memoir. Bahahaha. MAJOR FAIL.

But this is what I did accomplish in 2010... I began painting again. I sang in public. Twice. I ended a relationship and am still very happy with that decision. And most of all, I had fun! 2010 was a fun year, no?

Ok, so resolutions for 2011....

Open an Etsy shop to sell my paintings in

Seriously consider (and take all the appropriate steps toward) becoming a teacher (yeah, I know, right?!)

Go somewhere I've never been before

Become an even BETTER runner (Any running coaches out there want to help me out?)

Continue singing... just for fun. I don't want a music career or anything. :)


Wish me luck!

Thoughts on being 24

Freshman year.................................................................. and post-college.

Today is the first day of school at the college I graduated from. Also known as my current place of employment. I've been at SPU for six years now, and that really blows my mind. On the one hand I feel like it was ages and ages ago that I came up here with my parents and my suitcases and moved into Emerson Hall, feeling scared, alone, sad. I feel like such a different person now. Completely different. Sort of. A little less lonely. A little more of a grown-up.

And I also feel like it was just yesterday.... that not many days have passed in between. Skateboarding by the canal was a minute ago. Traveling through Europe happened in a snap. Falling in and out of love, a blur. And now I'm 24--not 18-- and I have no idea what the next six years will hold, and who knows how fast they will go by before my eyes. I'll probably fall in love again... I'll hopefully do a little more traveling, maybe to Nepal or Latin America. Who knows!

I don't know what I'm trying to say with all of this. I usually don't write reflectively anymore. But I felt an urge to, like this is some big milestone that I have to acknowledge. When really, it's just life going on and going by, as always. Right now I'm in this season where I don't really know if what I am doing is what I'm supposed to be doing; am I wasting my time here on earth working in an office, dreaming of some other career? Or is this the way it's supposed to be? Paying my dues in a mediocre job, and sometimes feeling like a very mediocre human being.

Before you think I'm a complete Debbie Downer, I'll say that my life outside of my job is very lovely, and I'm very VERY happy to be able to express my extraordinary-ness through this blog. And I was just chatting with my friend Moorea about how blessed I feel to have truly great friends in my life.

I sense that the big man upstairs is subtly encouraging me, pointing me in the right direction ever-so slightly, and cultivating my passions. I'm realizing that I have a passion for gay rights (civil liberties, what-WHAT!), and desperately want to get involved in something in the city. I'm realizing that I really enjoy painting and need to make time to cultivate that practice. And, I think most importantly, I'm desperately wanting to live beautifully: creating, loving, enjoying. That's what this life is about. It's not about sitting around dully, hating others for stupid reasons, and punishing yourself because you think you're a bad person. You deserve everything!

Thanks, if you read all of this. I came out of my writing shell for a hot minute, and I feel better now.

Give me a hug

I'm feeling a little uninspired with my blog. Sometimes I ask myself, why do I even do this thing? What's the point?
Well, Allie, I answer, it's a sort of creative outlet within your mundane day.
Oh yeah! Thanks, self. That helps. Sort of.
What now?
Well, it's just that sometimes I feel really bad that I don't WRITE very much. And that makes me feel stupid. And small-minded.
Aww, give me a hug.

Sometimes I have conversations with myself. Weird? Yes. God. This is me trying to get my writing juices flowing. Ew, that sounds gross. Maybe I shouldn't be a writer. Right now anyway. I hate forced writing. I feel cheap. Like a prostitute. I used to write in a journal a lot. And write poetry. And attempt to write screenplays, novels, etcetera. Never finished any. How do I become inspired to write again ? I wish I could go back to school and study English all over again. Just kidding; I'd rather not read Don Quixote for a second time. Has my soul all but dried up from being stuck in an office all day long? It sure feels that way. I have many interests. Writing is only one of them. So I'm thinking, maybe it's time to move on to another interest in my life. Although I do desire to write, or in general to create something beautiful and meaningful to myself, and hopefully to others. Fuck, dudes. This sucks. Why can't I be brilliant? Oh well, such is life, right? A wise woman recently told me to take a break for one day and get out of the city, by myself... Re-collect and just LISTEN. I think that is quite a good idea.

Goals

My goals this week...

--Side note-- I never make goals. So this post is a pretty mature step for me.

1. Find a new place to live
2. Find a few freelance writing opportunities
3. Stop worrying and stop my best friend from worrying
4. Don't drink too much
5. Hold my plans and presumptions in an open palm