Thoughts on being 24

Freshman year.................................................................. and post-college.

Today is the first day of school at the college I graduated from. Also known as my current place of employment. I've been at SPU for six years now, and that really blows my mind. On the one hand I feel like it was ages and ages ago that I came up here with my parents and my suitcases and moved into Emerson Hall, feeling scared, alone, sad. I feel like such a different person now. Completely different. Sort of. A little less lonely. A little more of a grown-up.

And I also feel like it was just yesterday.... that not many days have passed in between. Skateboarding by the canal was a minute ago. Traveling through Europe happened in a snap. Falling in and out of love, a blur. And now I'm 24--not 18-- and I have no idea what the next six years will hold, and who knows how fast they will go by before my eyes. I'll probably fall in love again... I'll hopefully do a little more traveling, maybe to Nepal or Latin America. Who knows!

I don't know what I'm trying to say with all of this. I usually don't write reflectively anymore. But I felt an urge to, like this is some big milestone that I have to acknowledge. When really, it's just life going on and going by, as always. Right now I'm in this season where I don't really know if what I am doing is what I'm supposed to be doing; am I wasting my time here on earth working in an office, dreaming of some other career? Or is this the way it's supposed to be? Paying my dues in a mediocre job, and sometimes feeling like a very mediocre human being.

Before you think I'm a complete Debbie Downer, I'll say that my life outside of my job is very lovely, and I'm very VERY happy to be able to express my extraordinary-ness through this blog. And I was just chatting with my friend Moorea about how blessed I feel to have truly great friends in my life.

I sense that the big man upstairs is subtly encouraging me, pointing me in the right direction ever-so slightly, and cultivating my passions. I'm realizing that I have a passion for gay rights (civil liberties, what-WHAT!), and desperately want to get involved in something in the city. I'm realizing that I really enjoy painting and need to make time to cultivate that practice. And, I think most importantly, I'm desperately wanting to live beautifully: creating, loving, enjoying. That's what this life is about. It's not about sitting around dully, hating others for stupid reasons, and punishing yourself because you think you're a bad person. You deserve everything!

Thanks, if you read all of this. I came out of my writing shell for a hot minute, and I feel better now.