A Message to my Younger Self

Don't wallow so much. Don't look at others and wish you had their life and their relationships. Don't think that gaining a boyfriend is the be-all-end-all. Keep watching romantic movies. Keep reading love stories. Keep listening to love songs. Because you will have what they talk about in the love songs someday. Just be patient. I think that's the most important thing. Be patient. The wait is worth it. The self-described lonely nights are worth getting through. But also live in the moment. Go out with friends. Have adventures by yourself. Make art. And those questions you asked yourself when you got your heart broken, "will there be anyone out there that is perfect for me? that will accept me as I am? that won't treat you as if you were a perfectly normal human being?" The answer is, yes. He's out there. He's perfect for you (I mean, he loves animals as much as you do!). He is kind and loving and generous. And he thinks you're the most gorgeous effervescent being alive (I'm pretty sure that's how he'd describe me). 


{Image: Woman on park bench, NY 1957 by Yale Joel}

I Love Your Blog!

APOCALYPSTICK

Almie Rose gives great insight on relationship issues, does funny impressions, and makes great lists.
She also writes for Hello Giggles.

Greta Gerwig

Greta Gerwig is my girl crush. She's becoming more mainstream now-- she's starring in the new Arthur film with Russell Brand-- but she's been an "indie darling" for awhile. I watched her movie Hannah Takes the Stairs, and loved it. She wrote the film, has written other films, as well as directed. Hannah Takes the Stairs is all about a post-grad girl who wants to have a good career, but at the same time is having confusing relationships with men... Hmm... I can't relate to that at all ;) She's pretty brilliant... Hence, girl crush.

Love the Whole World

"Big deal. So you fell in love with someone. Don't you see what happened? This guy touched a place in your heart deeper than you thought you were capable of reaching, I mean you got zapped, kiddo. But that love you felt, that's just the beginning. You just got a taste of love. That's just limited little rinky-dink mortal love. Wait till you see how much more deeply you can love than that. Heck, Groceries--you have the capacity to someday love the whole world. It's your destiny. Don't laugh."

-Richard from Eat Pray Love

Crushes: Worthless or Wonderful?

So, I've been harboring a crush for a little while. This guy has the body of a Disney prince. He's also really nice. And a little mysterious. His speaking voice is one of the sexiest things I've ever heard. I can't tell you any more details, because what if you know him??!!

Which brings me to my point: Wow, crushes are so stupid. I feel like I'm in high school again! My awkward, orthodontia-ed, pasty, high school self, daydreaming about dudes that I've barely even spoken to. Like Ian, the senior to my freshman, who sang "Yesterday" by The Beatles at the talent show. And Kelly, the linebacker to my cheerleader. Or Alex, the brooding theatre geek to my geeky theatre geek. Yeah, high school was so fun for me.

But I really haven't had an actual crush-- the kind that's most likely never to be requited-- on a guy since my last year of college. Not that since then I've been knee-deep in penis or anything (because that would be DISGUSTING. BLAH, WHY DID I EVEN WRITE THAT), but I did start dating more frequently around that time, and was also in a year-and-a-half long relationship, and also didn't really have anyone in my life that deserved my serious pining-afters. Because, when it comes down to it, crushes are a fucking waste of time. I've never had a crush on a guy that's liked me back. Which totally sucks, because you really do think the world of that person, and your life seems to be filled with disappointing missed chances and missed glances. A lot of "wishful makeuping," to borrow a term from Pretty in Pink.

On the other hand, crushes can also be a lot of fun. There's excitement in anticipating seeing that person at a social get-together, hoping that maybe this time they'll see something in you that they hadn't before, sparking romantic feelings. Even if it's a small gesture, like a friendly side hug or an intimate joke between the two of you, it makes your evening spent at a dark and noisy bar totally worth it. Right, ladies?

The truth is, I'm 25. Not 16. And I don't feel like spending energy trying to be the ideal girl for a guy I'm not even sure I would be compatible with (you know, once making out gets old). I'd much rather be my weird, awesome, sassy, dorky self and hope that some guy out there will find those qualities attractive.

Wish List

Ok, so I got this idea from IMBOYCRAZY, and thought it might be useful in my current state-of-being...

"If you want to fall in love, and you’ve had bad luck in the past, or you’re just unclear/not sure about what you want in someone…… Make a wish list! it helps you be clear, daydream, and specify what actually matters to you!"

He totally gets my sense of humor and vice versa

I am the most beautiful girl he's ever seen

He is my best friend and vice versa

He's a good dresser, but he's not obsessed with what he wears; it's effortless

He's not afraid to say I love you, and says it often

Dances me around the kitchen when I'm making dinner

Thinks I'm pretty even in my sweats and without makeup on

He's quick-witted

He's fine with staying in and watching a movie on a Friday night

Inspires me and vice versa

Charms the pants off of me

Loves singing in the car

Treats me really well

Likes to snuggle and hold hands

Puts me to bed when I'm feeling under-the-weather

Buys me flowers for no reason

Loves my cooking

Like cats (and all animals, at that)

Challenges me to be the best person I can be

Loves my friends and family for who they are

Will take out the trash and go on errands for me on occasion

Let's me borrow his clothes from time to time

Loves Christmas and Disneyland

Loves to travel, especially with me

Gets along really well with children

Starstruck, I tell you

D'accord, I must tell you that I woke up to quite a surprise this morning: The author of the book I'm currently reading, Lunch in Paris, commented on this very blog! My blog! Extraordinaire!

I was already planning on doing a post about the book, because I've been so thoroughly enjoying it, so I might as well tell you about it now... Elizabeth Bard (shecommentedonmyblog!!!) wrote a memoir about meeting the love of her life, who just happens to be a handsome French man. Along with the story of their relationship, she weaves in treasured recipes from the experience of moving to Paris and learning all about the culture. C'est tre bon!

I highly recommend this book to anyone who (a) is a francophile, (b) enjoys a good love story, (c) lives for galette and gruyere, or (d) all of the above (which is moi).

Also, check out Madame Bard's own blog, for more recipes and insights on life in France (she's relocated to Provence, lucky duck).

List of Qualifications

It goes both ways, baby.

I would totally wear this shirt

LameLab

So, most of you already know that I am on LoveLab, an online personals service done through Seattle's alternative newspaper, The Stranger.
This has made my life a lot more interesting, to say the least.
Oh, I get the cream of the crop sending me messages, asking me out on dates. And when I say "cream of the crop" I am referring to a gaggle of men who are all in an early to mid thirties age range (WTF?). I don't know why this is. I don't know why somebody closer to my own age (say early to mid twenties) can't find me attractive. I don't know why these thirtysomethings are choosing to hit upon a young woman of my age; it's not like they don't know how old I am, as my age is on my profile. Why are none of these thirtysomethings taken yet, by someone born in their own generation?
I am about to give up my LoveLab profile. You see, I have had two strikes already counted up... and a lot of foul balls, let me tell you! Oh my god, that was awful, but I couldn't resist.
1st strike was "Peter." I really liked Peter. He was one of the very first guys I noticed on Lovelab... Plus, he wasn't old. And the full story behind him is a good one, so if you'd like to hear it, I'd love to tell you in person. With Peter it was one of those instances where we were sending each other the wrong messages for a drawn out period of time; which is easy to do in the online arena. So there was lots of flirting and opening-up, but no actual manifestation of a meeting. Conclusion, we were honest with each other, and (unfortunately for me) found out we were not on the same page. STRIIIIKE ONE!
Up to bat: "Alex." Alex was older than I would have preferred, but he was cute in his photos and sounded interesting. He also asked me out right away, which impressed me, compared to the previous ballplayer. So we went out. And I realized why Alex was still single at a slightly older age. He still had a lot to learn about the unspoken rules of dating. It wasn't a terrible date; there was just no attraction. STRIIIIKE TWO!!!
So after that I said to myself, "you know, you should just give this one more chance, Allie. If things don't go well a third time with a Lovelab guy, odds are none of the Lovelab guys are going to be any better."
Well, in the past week I have gotten messages from seven men, none of which are very good prospects. One 32 year old, one 34 year old, one guy who takes pictures of himself in his bathroom mirror, one uber Eastern-spiritual guy, one fireman with a bad haircut, one guy who blocked out a picture of his ex-girlfriend in his profile photo, and one guy who told me about how his mom threw her panties at Tom Jones. So.
When I was in 6th grade, I was on a girl's softball team, and I recall learning that four balls is equal to one strike. So if I count each of these prospects as a ball, I would technically have more than enough to cry "Strike three, you're out." Technically, I should be done with Lovelab.
But I just might give the guy who blocked out his ex-girlfriend in his profile photo a chance.
He's kind of cute.



A perfect picture of hopelessness, frustration, and maybe a little bit of drunkenness. Men will do that to ya.

I know it's totally unoriginal for a single girl to say, "I hate Valentines Day," but I'm just going to say it anyways: I hate Valentines Day.
Last year wasn't so bad, namely because I didn't feel so alone in my nature of singularity. My roomie was single, and we were both invited to a nice little party two of my best guy friends threw for all of their single lady-friends. It was cute and nice to feel appreciated by such fine gentlemen.
Now... I am living in an apartment with girls in relationships. My then-roomie, still-roomie, is taken, and going ga-ga over Valentines Day-- even though I seem to recall that last year she had a few bitter words to vocalize on the holiday. But hey, she was single then, and when you are single there is no other emotion to fill your whole entire being BUT bitterness on the day dedicated to cutesy-cutesy couples doing cutesy-cutesy activities and giving each other cutesy-cutesy gifts.
Sentiments to be continued on a night I am not trying to finish a story about a stupid American girl in Paris.

Yuck.

When Things Fall Apart

It's the classic scenerio: Boy meets girl, girl meets boy. They hit it off, both laughing at the same jokes, both loving each other's casual company. But then as time passes, changes occur. They can be brought on by the outside elements-- a new job, new opportunity, new people-- or it could also be an inner change-- new interests, new beliefs. Changes are natural, like it or not. We can't avoid them. And so when these changes occur within relationships, you deal with it by choosing one of these two options: 1) Embrace the changes that occur within your significant other, as difficult as that may be, or 2) Give up on them because of the belief that the changes are too severe; what made the relationship great before is now lost forever. Neither option is necessarily the absolute correct option, although option 2 could be classified as a "last resort" option. It really depends on the situation. But this isn't about romantic relationships. This is about friendships. Do these "options" still apply when character traits alter, when persons metamorphose?
I am in the midst of deciding between option 1 and option 2 in a very important friendship in my life. The both of us have been through changes recently, inward and outward, which have deeply affected our lives and lifestyles. Personally, I just got done with two and half months of studying abroad. I experienced so much-- without my friend by my side-- that change absolutely occurred. I was surrounded by new friends and created memories that I deeply cherish and think about often. It was hard being away from my friend for that period of time, but returning to the States and picking up our relationship from where we left off was ultimately impossible. Neither of us was the same person we were two and a half months previously. She herself had been through a fun and exciting change, but I wasn't there for it, to be there with her and rejoice in this new development. It was a rude awakening, as if I had been asleep, and woken up to find a completely different friend. Again, the changes that we went through individually are not bad. On the contrary, they are the best kind of changes, that broaden the mind and make life more beautiful.
However, I don't know where to go from here. I have tried embracing the changes she went through, but have discovered that the new factor in her life seems to be overshadowing the friendship we used to share. I feel more and more like things are being rearranged, and there is no longer room for me on her list of priorities and interests. So I'm surveying option 2... But it seems a little too harsh. After investing in her, I am not just going to give up on her all-together, even if it feels like she's giving up on me. Our relationship certainly isn't what it used to be, but we have a safety net of good memories and shared interests that seem to break our fall.
So here is option 3: Lay off a little, rather than throw in the towel all-together. Continue to embrace the changes, but don't beat the self up about such things. If nerves are tested, just back off, take a breather, and never forget that sacrificing your own individuality is an unwise decision within any relationship.
But what it really comes down to is this simple fact: friendships are a very sacred gift. If you think of them as a gift from above, as Hallmark as that sounds, you will think more than twice about simply discarding them because interest in that gift has altered or dimmed.